Riya came out carrying the tray of piping hot tea. she placed it in
front of her dad, waiting for him to pick up a cup.
Rishab was trying to be calm and waiting to see if papa picked up his tea.
The whole house was at a stand still hoping at least Riya had the power
to break it.
It had been few months now, since mom had passed away. At first look,
everything seemed normal. Papa had seemed to have recovered from his loss.
He even went out for walks twice a day. He was learning to set up a new
routine. He was experimenting with things. He always looked at something to
help in household. Kirti was happy to receive all the help from
father-in-law... Without the support of her darling mother-in-law she was
always in a panic mode to get the house going. Papa ji's input helped her calm
down. She was amazed how similar papa's suggestions were to mom's . It was as
though mom was speaking to her in papa's voice.
Rishab though was worried.. Something really didn't make sense. He
noticed dad seemed to be making changes but he wasn't the same. Dad no longer
drank tea. If dad was really recovering, he would have switched on the music
system.. But he never even went near it. How was it possible. How could dad be coping
up without music. He voiced his concerns to Kirti and Kirti came up with
reassurances of him being ok.
Riya also didn't understand Rishabh's concern.. Rishab waited each day
to wake up to some music but every day it was to the sounds of kitchen vessels
and nothing else.
He tried many times to speak to dad but he always received calm or happy
answers. He was not sure if dad was really happy or acting up to hide his
sorrow. After many calls Riya finally agreed to come and speak to dad.. if anyone could speak to dad it was her, his
darling daughter/best friend and even she seemed to have accepted that dad was
alright.
Rishab waited patiently to see if his dad took a cup.. Finally without a
word dad picked up a cup and started drinking tea.. everyone just looked on..
Riya finally broke the silence "Rishabh was really worried about you, his
panic calls were the reason for my trip."
Papa seemed to be lost in his tea.. He took another sip, "wow, you
make tea exactly like mom, I didn't know that she had taught you to make this
tea."
Riya smiled at her memories...she had bullied her mom to teach her
famous chai recipe and she had practiced every day till she had mastered it.
All this to impress a stupid crush in college.. Life was funny, the crush was
long forgotten but mom's recipe still had the magic.
"So why is Rishab worried??" Papa asked again breaking Rita's
memories. Riya and papa had this stupid
habit of talking about people as though they didn't exist under the same roof.
"So are you ok, how are you coping with...?" Riya couldn't continue.
She herself hadn't accepted it completely.
"Not everything is same, and I miss her sometimes" papa sighed
before continuing "I have accepted that she is at a good place, and I am
trying to find new life and new habits
with her memories.."
"Oh please, papa why are you giving bullshit stories... Nothing is
right...I don't think you have even realized that she is no longer here..
Accepted is a long way" Rishab bursted out losing his patience.
"And why do you think I am giving you stories? Why would I even
feel the need to make up stories when my kids are worried about me?"
"Why is the music system not switched on yet then, why do you
always say no to your morning tea?" There , Rishab had finally accused his dad, there was
nothing that dad could tell now about being ok now.
Everybody was silent.. Everyone was shocked to see Rishab loose his
calm.. He wasn't the guy to get angry. Nobody knew what to say.
Dad inhaled sharply... Rishab was just like his mom... Never to miss the
important thing.. He slowly replied "I am ok, but I am not sure if I am
ever going to listen to music again ."
Rishab knew it, He was disappointed with dad's answer . He wished there was
something he could do to help dad. Agreed it was huge loss "but how can
you just stop living.." he voiced his concerns without even realizing..
Dad just smiled "I am not sure, I am just trying to learn new way
of living, now that she is no longer..." dad seemed to be lost somewhere.
Maybe he was pulling out a memory.
They all waited till dad spoke again.
"Let me tell you something, I am not into music very much. I can
hardly tell apart from different music, different tunes or even the genres.
Dad stopped to find confused faces staring at him. He couldn't stop laughing at their funny expressions.
Meanwhile everyone was still recovering from what they had just heard.
Dad was enjoying this conversation. Everyone came in a little closer
now, not knowing what dad was speaking.. How could a person who switched on
music first thing in the morning for past 30 yrs. and ended his day with music,
someone who started playing music before ac in the car make such a huge
statement.
Dad began explaining "she was my music without her I don't know any
music. I know it sounds a little cheesy but that’s the truth.
your mom was a very empathetic woman. Even before you could say anything
she knew what was bothering you. She always had the patience to listen and say
the exact words that you needed to hear. Sometimes all she said was I really
have no idea, I don't know how to deal with this. Even these words were enough
to give the calm and strength to go on. This made her a beautiful soul and God
she was a talkative person. She had stories up her selves for any occasion. I
always wondered if she listened more or spoke more.. And till date I have no
idea."
Dad laughed at his memory.
Nobody had a clue what dad was trying to tell, but they didn’t interrupt
him. At least he was speaking about her and he wasn't sad.
And so dad continued, " but the thing was, she never spoke about
herself. It used to drive me crazy. I never would know if she was upset or angry.
She kept her emotions to herself. Yet here was the lady who understood
everyone's emotions but didn’t share hers. One day I asked her jokingly if she
had an emotional antenna to catch peoples mood. She just smiled and said
everyone has it, you just have to use it."
"Now my curiosity had turned up, she laughed and explained herself.
So it is very simple, everyone had small ways to express their emotions, all
you have to do was observe the small details.
apparently for me it was my funny expressions if I am still figuring
something out and if I have figured it out I just blurt it."
"Whatever she said made sense, indeed I used to blurt things out
only if i was very sure of it.so if what she was telling was true, she also had
to give out some signals.
And that’s when I figured it out,
her way was with music. Your mom had the most unique taste in music. Most
diverse taste, language, genre was never a barrier.
You never knew what she would
like. Sometimes it was the music, sometimes the tune and many a times it was
just a line from the song.
She never really had any specific
playlist that's why I never took her obsession with music seriously. It was
only when I started observing I understood music was her signal. It was like
her phone understood her more that me. All she had to do was find first song
based on her mood and every other song that followed had the same mood. I
started learning about music through her. There were days when she would
discover a new song and it would be played out on a loop.it would drive me
crazy until she explained what was so good about the song. and more often it would
be a single line of lyrics which touched her heart. dad was laughing now
remembering the loop days.
He continued, " People often use the words like listening in loop
but with your mom it was in the literally sense. She never really sang a song,
she always hummed along. Whenever she was happy she would hum the tune. If she
was angry, there was no reaction to any music, it was like she was waiting for
the music to calm her down.
and if she is upset she will put on songs with very high beats, almost
like she wanted to shut down the storm in her with the beats."
"So every day i made it a point to have tea and pretend to read the
newspaper while i would be actually observing her mood and that’s how my
morning routine started."
"Whenever your mom would listen to something beautiful her eyes
would sparkle and she would have the most beautiful smile on her face. Now that
she is not there, i have no idea on which song to listen to, some songs do
bring back beautiful memories but for me music was always your mom."
Riya, Rishab and Kirti were silent, they all were recollecting their own
memories of mom.
Rishab slowly got up and switched on the music system playing a song
which he was sure that his mom would have enjoyed. He smiled, recollecting what
his dad had just said. He had never realised how he was more like his mom, when
he always thought he was like his dad.
Two months later:
Rishab was enjoying his breakfast and smiling to himself. He was playing
a song in a loop since last one hr. it was fun watching Kirti and papa getting
irritated.
Papa was keeping his calm and whispering kirti to ask Rishab to get out
the house and stop the torture. since the day they had the family meeting, Rishab
had gotten into habit of playing music early morning.
Papa had learnt to make the chai from Riya and mastered it. Kirti was
trying to enjoy these peaceful moments before she got on to start her day.
Life was moving on with some old memories at play and new ones being
made every day.
