all about that bloody smile :) :)

she looked into the mirror heaved a deep sigh...the smile looked believable enough...she strained hard to find the scars and noticed her eyes scream aloud...the puffed eyes weren't a pretty sight either...she hated to look like that and with a nod she brushed away her thoughts...now was not the time to get into it. she had the whole day to get along with...
and finally with smile in place she gave herself one last look in mirror!!!!
she buzzed through the house laughing like a silly girl with a dedicated concentration in trying to cook up the breakfast, along with making the atmost effort to avoid arguments with her mom...chirping and yapping all along..she strained hard to remember funny stuff to talk...
doing nothing but trying just yet another way to escape from it all...watching movies to reading novel and even listening to the most pathetic lectures with beautiful attention(it was crazy thing to do in her college)!!!!

as the day wold come to end slowly her resolve broke and the struggle started yet again...her heart screamed out again "you can run away but for how long??? do you think i am lying??? there is no escaping for it is a fact YOU STILL LOVE HIM!!!
"i know it and i just don't want to hear it...do you think he even bother a tad bit about you, y can't you see around???honey just take in a bit of reality and look through the eyes of logical brains and it will surely sink in"
"perhaps you forget that i don't understand logic...all i know is just two things either LOVE HIM or HATE HIM and either ways he still stays where he is....besides i don't know the indifference of your bloody mind..."
"why do you have to do this to me??? don't i mean anything to you???don't you love me??? and you talk about bloody indifference...do you even see the teary eyes and the struggle to keep that smile...how much more bloody indifferent could you be to me???...."
"....." yet again the heart had to stop talking..for yet again she had opened the floodgates of tears and she was relived. she felt life coming back to her...how could she let her know that in order to put back thing to routine she slowly was killing her heart and killing herself,
taking in a deep breath slowly she whispered" i am sorry...i had to speak out....
"i know "
and one more thing..."i promise to try again...."