GUEST POST_1

Well here is the first Guest post on my blog....Written by Vivek Menon

One of the magical instance of my life worth cherishing :





Dreams are better than reality....... but sometimes dreams become reality ........ all you need is HOPE











Sitting in my living room, i turned the question over in my

mind for what seemed to be the hundredth time. Outside, the winter sun had long since

set. A grayish sheen of fog was visible through the window, and aside from the gentle tap

of a branch against the glass, all was quiet. Yet i wasn't alone, and i pulled myself up

from my spot on the couch and walked down the hall to peek in on her. As I stared, thought about lying beside her, if only to have an excuse to shut my eyes. I could use the

rest, but I didn't want to risk falling asleep just yet. Instead I watched as she shifted

slightly, my mind drifting

to the past. I thought again about the path that had brought us together. Who was i

then? And who was I now? On the surface, those questions seemed easy. But things rarely seemed as the way they actually are.

Why was there a feeling of loss? Why was there a feeling a solace after that loss?



The realms of my thoughts came to a stop as I felt the shock crawl through my cold skin. I had accidentally touched the heater without making sure it is unplugged. I did not shout but strangely kept looking at her. She was lying there on the bed, with her hair flying on her pearl lit face.



I would have been more than just a happy man if this moment was 48 hours back, but who would have guessed the number 48 would be more than just a number. Just 48hrs and 30 min back I had met someone who made me smile from my heart after a very long time, may be something changed. May be its cause the moment I saw her walking in through that door, my heart skipped a beat. She came down to the table we were eating which made me more tensed and for a moment when our eyes met it seemed like eternity.



The most interesting part of this 48 hours was that I started to living and came close to death at the same time. As the day progressed , it went from just a hi to sharing a couple of drinks and a walk home. That day i.e. last night I did not get sleep, maybe there were few moments that we share on the way home struck a chord in me. May be I just wanted to ask her out for a cup of coffee.



The much awaited sun rose at last piercing through my window pane and landing on my bed. But unlike the rest of

Day’s today was different , the sun did not irritate me but smoothened me instead. Like the sailor looking out for the first signs of sea, I was waiting for today’s sun.



As If I was wanting to ride all my good omen, I even lit candle before my god for a small prayer. Then I got ready, locked the doors behind my back. Started my engines and left the streets burning a lot of rubber. I stopped my car at wimpies as usual to meet my buddies to tell them the strange feeling that has started to take roots in my so called heart. We ordered the usual ham burger and fries and started the talk, bit before I could bloat out my feeling, my friends raised a toast for another guy who was going to ask the girl I wanted take out for a cup of coffee for marriage.



That time I realized how landslide would feel, but still it is un-chivalrous of a person to cancel a meeting with a girl, so I went to the coffee shop. There she was sitting gorgeously in her fluffy blue gown, waving a hand at me as I was finding it difficult to find her amidst the crowd. We met , sat down and had a chat and I was wondering how I could kill myself for wanting to see her cheeks blush. All of a sudden her phone rang and she declared she had to leave. I understood it was my friend who is calling, but I carried myself well to make sure she leaves well.



I decided to go the lighthouse where I spent most of my childhood. Sipped in a couple of beers, and slept in the lullaby of the ocean waves. By the time I woke up I could see the beautiful star lit sky above me. For a second thought felt like a baby sleeping in mother’s lap. Weird it was as something wetted my cheeks, then I the understood may be the fear of found and loss may have hurt my heart and it came out as tears.



Stood up, and started walking towards my ride as the winds were still strong and making the coconut trees dance to its tune. On my way back I found a known car broken down, I pulled aside and went over to assist, and to my surprise there she was cursing the engine, but her frown turned into a relief as she saw me. I tried my hand on the engine but it won’t budge. All of a sudden the sky thundered and the rain drops fell from heaven. We started getting wet and I looked at her as she tried taking the her wet hair aside, but all of a sudden something twinkled in her fingers. It was a beautiful ring, which my friend must have given, felt as if someone just pulled my heart out of my very body. I offered her a ride back as the rains showed no signs of stopping. We reached my place and I showed her to my room to change. I sat down at my fire place to keep myself warm, and she joined me.

We had supper together but little did I speak because I did not want to know about her day out of fear. Then I did my bed so that she could sleep.



And here I stand still looking at her, thinking would she ever be mine



Then my shoulders started drooping and I my eyes were tired and crying out. I went beside her and made sure she is cozily tucked under the sheet and took my place in the couch. I had no clue that I had over slept when I woke up the hall was bright with the sun blazing right above the roof. I woke up and washed my face, as I saw my face in the mirror did I realize that I was not alone and there was a beautiful angel who I had brought home last night.



I reached the bedroom to check if she was still sleeping, but there was no sign of anyone. The bed was neatly done and nothing seemed disturbed. I started to think if I had dreamt of her. Waking up confused from sleep is a strange feeling I must say. Then I went across to the hall and kitchen to make myself some coffee, thought some caffeine in my blood might help my brain cells. To my surprise the breakfast was already made and neatly arranged, the coffee maker already had coffee in it.

This made me think I have lost it and must consult a shrink, but there was a small card lying beside the plate.



I opened the card and it read “ thank you for your shelter, hope you like the food. I have to rush , sorry if this seems rude”



Well , I am not mad was the first reaction I have had. I had the breakfast and sat on the couch to read my paper. My answering machine was beeping , I thought my clients would have given me a call. When I started to listen to messages there was apparently only one message. I played it and all of a sudden a sweet unheard voice said, hello this is jane, it would be good if you could meet me up for a coffee @ jack’s around 5 pm, I just wanted to thank you.



For a second I was wondering was it a girls voice and who was jane, then I understood it was her and that her name was jane. I got ready for office, but that day I was in no mood to work, cause I was thinking will she be alone or with my friend who made her wear a ring. The clock struck 4 and I had butterflies in my stomach as I shut down the system and started my walk.

I stopped by on the way for a smoke because I was tensed. When I reached the place there she was sitting and waiting, well so unlikely for a girl to be on time I thought.



I went sat beside her, but strangely I could not look into her eyes and talk as I usually do. Her eyes had something special, a special shine that could look into me. I was already having the guilt that am at a coffee shop with the girl whom my friend likes. But then we started speaking and never knew how the time flew by. She mentioned that the ring was given by her mom, that instant I was like phewwww I have a chance.



It was getting late and I offered her a walk till she gets a ride,as we stepped out of the coffee place the moon had come up and the stars decorated the velvet sky. The breeze was gentle and it made the whole environment pleasant, may be its cause I am walking with a girl who I like. Suddenly there were a few drops of rain which poured down , which became heavy for a while.

We got drenched and took shelter below a tree to make sure we dont get soaked. I happened to turn to her side and there she was making sure her hair was ok and the look at her face was so beautiful that made me think that its going to be next to impossible to even speak to her. She got her cab and left



That night I could not sleep because I was with her and thinking of every single moment I just spent and was happy atleast I got an opportunity. That night I thought its now or never and that I have to say what I feel to her, because hiding the feeling has become more difficult than living without air. So next day we started messaging each other on msn and I told her. Not directly but beating about the bush, but I guess she got the cue and asked me to say it short.



I told her I would like to take her out and that I feel good when around her and that I would be lucky if I could have her by myside as my lady all my life. To this she fell silent and started to laugh. She changed the topic and started to talk, I understood it was just a dream to think we can ever be with angels



May be this is life, may be dreams are better than reality thats why some prefer to build a world around them to save cruelty of the world. May be am just lucky to have spend some moments with her. May be that’s all I deserve



After a week , I took the initiative of messaging her because I was uneasy thinking would she ever meet me again since I told her, no replies for messages



The next day I called up and said hello is it jane, she said yes . I told her it was john who was calling and she said she knows, I asked her if I could meet her this evening at the same place and she agreed.





We met up and as usual she looked ravishing in her maroon gown, I walked upto her and we took a walk in the park where we could see children playing and many other stuff. On our way we saw an old couple holding each others arm, and the lady was resting her head on the guys head. Seeing this I told her , this is love. Its not about finding the right one or not, but about being with the person you get in the right way till the end. May be the lines “ I will be there in good time and bad time, through sickness and pain until death do us apart “ meant the essence of an everlasting relationship.



I asked her if she had given it a thought, and she asked what. I then told her about the fact that I like her and would like an opportunity to spend my life with her. And this time her expression changed and she laughed and I was puzzled. She said

John you are a really nice guy, but I hardly know you. Its just been 2 months since I moved to Newyork and already there are men walking upto me asking me out. I need some space. I would suggest you rather look for someone else. Well I wanted to say that I can wait and was just afraid more men would ask her out and she may get interested in one of them, so I was insecure, but I couldn’t.

All I could say was its fine , I understand how I feel. Felt a bit lost but did not show it out, may be she is a decent person who did not want to hurt me by saying a NO, so she said it diplomatically. I changed the topic and talked about her life and stuff.

Then we parted ways, it started getting dark and I could feel something wet in my eyes. When I brought my fingers to my eyes, and darn may be for once my heart and brain had the same feeling, feeling of having lost something special. But thank god it rained, and no one could find out the difference between my tears and rain. I stood under the same tree where I we had stood last week, I took a cigarette and lighted it to beat the cold. When I put my hand in my pocket I could feel a piece of paper in it. I pulled it out and realized I had wrote something for , but what’s the use now.



I took the paper and burnt it from the side. As the paper burnt I could see the words turn into ashes, and the words were



“its raining right now, and I have to tell you this and you need to hear it. I loved it since I met you, but I wouldn’t allow myself to truly feel it until today. I was always thinking ahead, making decisions soaked with fear. Today, because of you what I have learned from you, every choice I made was different and my life has completely changed and I have learned that if you do that, then you are living your life full. It does not matter if you have five minutes of fifty years. Jane if not for today, if not for you I would never have known love at all. So thank you for being the person who taught me to love and to be loved”





The paper burnt into ashes, I walked by to my car, but decided to take a walk. There was a strange silence which went through me, because after all the relationships in life, this particular one even before it started had made me dream, a life better than I have. But sadly I thought I could aim for the stars which was wrong. Did not know what to do, because one more time I could not talk to her about this because she might even start to hate me. Well guess I have to be alone and burry my feeling for her six feet under. But still as they say I had the four letter word inside me HOPE which still made me think maybe she will be back for me when am lost.





The next day I was walking on the road and all of a sudden I see her walking on the opposite, I went up to her in a uncertain way and said a hi. She was happy to see me, her reaction was indeed surprising to me. We sat down at starbucks and I ordered my usual espresso. We were staying silent, finding out what topic to start cause we had spoke a lot on MSN lastnight for the first time



So I asked her about her likes and stuff and then wanted to bring out the topic of why had she said neither a YES or a NO for what I had asked. I asked her what should be my interpretation of her silence. I had a lot of questions so bombarded her with it. She dint get offended but just smiled and said I like you as a good friend John. I was angry but managed to put up a smile and we departed





The next day I was at the bookshop, she ran into me and said she want to say something to me and told me that , she like a person for few years, but he dint give her an answer, but since she knew him from childhood she had loved him since. She said she had built a world around her in which he was the foundation and she was not able to come out of it.



Since she was a girl and it was her first love I knew how deep it was, because for a girl their first love means a lot. I empathized because I knew how and what she feels. She told me the coincidence that I had the birthday on the same day he had and the day I had told her about my love the same day last year that she told her love for him.



On my way back home I was still confused, was thinking the revelation today should make me cry or sad. I have heard of similarities and coincidences, but not like this. May be it’s a good thing that she may be able to accept me because of this, or may be it would turn out to be a bane because these will only remind her of him





The days went by, and we were in touch with each other frequently. Jane had a strange aura around her because even after talking to her the whole day, as soon I keep the phone down I always felt a void inside me. She gave me mixed reactions, sometimes she gave me signs of liking me and sometime’s as she is just a friend.



I used to act ok, but sometimes I ask what is she doing and she tells me she is confused too. Because she has a conflict between her heart and brain. The best part was in spite of all this I was comfortable when I was with her, cause I could be myself and did not have to pretend to be someone else.





But there are 2 things that gets on my nerves and she does not know

1) I hate it when I expect a reply desperately and she stays silent

2) When she says don’t worry I like you as a friend ( I feel like telling her am not just ok with friends I want to be your partner in the journey of life)



It was like in the afternoon with the sun blazing right above the head, and I was texting her as usual and I told her I feel like seeing her and all if a sudden she said the same to me and told me she is starting and will reach the place in ten minutes. I had hardly woken up so I got ready and was on my way to meet her, but I was still thinking if it was a dream that she is coming to meet me.



Then we met up at the famous Mc Donalds, she just had a coke but we sat and talked for like an hour and she again told me what she is feeling and her eyes welled up speaking about him. She told me she is not able to come out of his thoughts and she like me a bit. She says if she will marry someone else then why not me. But I could not see her in tears and felt like hugging and kissing away her tears





That day was special to me and I thought I did find a place in your heart. Everytime I tend to think this way she says I am a friend and I end up being confused all of a sudden



Then one day before I went to sleep she sent a message to me and it read

“ john I really want to tell you the words you want to hear, but I am unable to come out of it”



Little does she know I cried reading it. Sometime I feel confused should I ask god to give her who she loves or ask him to give her to me